How the so-called ‘excellent communication skills needed’ cliche had almost killed me – Part I

Every day, I used to revise the page of my diary before I step out of the home, as shown below –

IMG_20180708_100421 (1)

Fact 01 – My handwriting is awful.

Why I did so?

Let’s go in the detail –

It was a story about 2016-17 when I was in the greatest confusion about whether to be an entrepreneur (It was something I always wanted to be) or work as an engineer (It was something the society wanted me to be as I was an engineering graduate) or to be a writer (It was something I had just invented to overcome a brutal heartbreak) or join banking sector (and It was something my father wanted me to do) so having plenty of option I tried everything because I didn’t want to feel like what if I would have chosen another option.

I Started-Up – But failed. Worked as an engineer – failed. Became writer – failed. Took the banking exam – and failed.

For this blog post forget about every failure of mine and let’s focus on just one failure, i.e. to work as an engineer. When it came to working as an engineer part I started spending days and night discovering ads for a job opening and I found that besides, need good academics I found another common phrase and that was ‘must be good – better if great – and you are selected on the spot wherever you are reading this ad if you are the greatest at communication’

Okay!! I ignored the ‘must have good communication part’ from the ad and went to every interview I was shortlisted.

Fact 02: I was (I am ) an introvert. I have been hard time to face people. I am shy. Human to human communication is not my cup of tea.

The first interview – it was a horrible experience for both of us, (obviously) for interviewer and me. That awkwardness of mine almost gave the interviewer cancer. Needless to say, I got rejected. The second one was less horrible than the previous one as there I opted to say nothing. They say, ‘Better safe than sorry’ I agreed with that.

The third one – Oh god again. I was getting better and better at being worse at communication with every passing interview.

Then I figured out – good communication is really needed as how would the other person know you are t

I desperately wanted to get rid of ‘being awkward as soon as human detects around state’ once and for all.

Fact 03: Still now you may have figured out my love life – I didn’t have any one. No communication – no relationship.

I googled (this time i was really serious) how to improve communication skill and clicked one link that was a Quora page, I got some suggestions – the most common were – read the books on the communication and people skills (literally, everyone had mentioned it) such as

    1. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
    2. Influence – the psychology of persuasion by Robert Cialdini
    3. How to talk to anyone – 92 little tricks for big success in a relationship by Leil Lowndes
    4. The introvert’s guide to success in business and leadership by Lisa Petrilli.

and some TED talk like

  1. How to speak so people want to listen by Julian treasure
  2. Listen, Learn … Then Lead, by Stanley McChrystal
  3. Body language the power is in the palm of your hands and
  4. 10 ways to have a better conversation by Celeste Headlee

I was ravenous and I wanted to eat everything (content) that I found it can help me improve my communication skills. After reading, listening and watching that content I landed on the conclusion – you need not remember everything to lead the communication, here is some brief summary to be effective at communication.

  1. Make sticky eye contact while listening to other (OMG!!)
  2. Mirror the body language of the listener
  3. Have powerful and straight posture
  4. Listen carefully and nod
  5. Use hand gesture while talking (scientifically proven method to make people trust you)
  6. Smile often (This is good)
  7. Take more space ( Hmmm!!)
  8. Be interested (Powerful trick)
  9. And fake it until you become unconscious about the all eight tips listed above (Okay!!)

I practiced this by forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone. Life changed. You could have congratulated me now – I had got placed in a leading home appliance company – Haier. Celebration time.

But celebration lasted only for three days – I left the job on the third day of work. Reason – I started hating myself for not being the old one, being fake and making fake relationships. I was no longer the real one. I was feeling looser. After leaving the job, I started spending a lot of time alone. I had taken the effective communication issue personally.

I had stopped reading all the book they thought I should read. Now I was in a stage – Forget everything you learned and pretend that you know nothing, as the real wisdom come by knowing nothing.

socrates1-2x

I had put down my weapons against fighting about my weakness – I had accepted the truth that – The real magic is being yourself. you had better sharp the strengths that are already presented in yourself.

I said to myself ‘Remember Akshay – you have earned many good friends, loving people and had successful academics while you knew nothing about the ‘communication skill.’ How did you manage to connect with a lot of loving people – without faking the conversation? So why this sudden ‘must have great communication skills to get this that job position’ made you feel lost. Why?

So I went back to my school days, college days, social life – and figured out how did I manage to talk, impress and to be loved by a lot of loving people – I had got the key to have a successful communication – and

CpRw5VWXYAAN1_p

this time I drew a picture – in my diary. That I would love to show you it in my next blog post.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s